Just another night (revised by my future self)

coming home to a clean tidy apartment
doing what needs to be done
check my mail
stand on that machine
pump my legs
stare at the TV

work, work, sweat
as the sun goes down
this is the right thing to do

take a shower
let the water fall and fall
listen to the music

my body is taut
my mind is clear
this is good

now I will drink some wine
i will eat the food which I prepared last night
i am clean
i am born again
the food is the right food
the wine is the right wine
the music is the right music

then why do I shake
then why do I cry
why do I lean against the wall searching for the arms which are not there to embrace me

i am strong
i am setting up my life again
i am putting things in their place
i am moving step by step
i am following the instructions
i am dotting the lines
everything will all fall into place

but when?
and what if I fall ...